Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Congratulations! We have a period
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