At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
