Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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