Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
