Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
