I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize