just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
