i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
