So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
