That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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