I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
