who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
