chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
