My hand turned me down
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
