My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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