she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
