So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
