So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
