did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
