I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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