I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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