I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
