Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
