Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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