I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
there is glitter all over my balls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
