so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
