This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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