When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
