Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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