she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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