I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
