I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
