She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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