you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
