I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
