Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
