It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
