I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
