so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
