My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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