I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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