Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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