The maid of honor just puked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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