maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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