I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
