Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
