There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
