i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
