Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
