She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
