Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
