I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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