im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
