Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
