He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
