why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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