it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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