my sisters under your porch take her home
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
