Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
