okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
