oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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