TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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