I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
