the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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