so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
