i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
