so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
