Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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