Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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