Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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