At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
