Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
