her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize