I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
