I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
