You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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